Sharona Margolin Halickman - Madricha Ruchanit

Hebrew Institute of Riverdale
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SHARONA MARGOLIN HALICKMAN

Sharona Margolin Halickman
Madricha Ruchanit Religious Mentor

Parshat Yitro-2002

I have attended all kinds of Jewish weddings. A Chasidic wedding held outdoors in Brooklyn, a Sephardic wedding performed by chief Rabbi Ovadia Yosef on a kibbutz in Israel as well as New York weddings held in shuls and wedding halls.

Each wedding had its own style--- but the basic ceremony was the same, dating back thousands of years . Each ceremony was a powerful experience which in many ways transcended space and time.

What I would like to try to understand is what is it in the experience makes it transcend space and time?

Part of it has to do with the tone, which is set by the spiritual preparations that the chatan and kallah, bride and groom take upon themselves, the atmosphere in the room and most importantly, the love and commitment that the bride and groom have for each other.

There is also another approach. The wedding experience is a way that we can come close to maamad har Sinai, the revelation at Sinai.

Let me share with you some of the similarities between the wedding of a chatan and kalah and maamad har Sinai, nothing less than the wedding between God and the Jewish people.

Before their wedding, the bride and sometimes the groom spiritually prepare themselves by ritually immersing in a mikvah. On the wedding day, both the bride and groom fast in order to disassociate themselves from the physical and direct their consciousness toward the spiritual aspect of marriage. Their love is so strong at that moment, they can't even think about food.

The stage is set and the guests are surrounding the chupah. There are even special lighting effects with the parents of the bride and groom holding candles as they walk them to the chupah. There are instruments playing and voices singing. The bride and groom are shaking and nervous.

Standing under the chupah is the moment of truth where the bride and groom affirm their total commitment to each other. The groom writes and gives the Ketubah, the marriage contract, to his bride showing that this is a long term commitment and he will provide for all of her needs. She accepts the Ketubah as well as the ring which represents the endless bond between husband and wife.

Maamad Har Sinai was a similar experience.

The Jewish people also prepared themselves spiritually. They immersed in the mikvah and fasted. The proof that they immersed in a mikvah: (Shmot 19:10)

Sanctify them today and tomorrow and they shall wash their clothing.

Ramban, quoting the Mechilta comments:

When the Torah talks about washing clothing, it is referring to ritual immersion.

There is proof that they fasted (Shmot 24:11)

The people had a vision of God and they ate and drank.

According to the Zohar, they didn't eat physical food. Rather, their vision of God was their nourishment. They didn't have to eat physical food. They were fully able to concentrate on the spiritual.

At Har Sinai, there was an atmosphere. (Shmot 19:16)

There was thunder

There was lightning

A heavy cloud covered the mountain

The sound of the shofar was very powerful

The people shuddered.

In this very pasuk, we have the lights, we have the music, we have the chupah and the people are nervous.

In the next pasuk, Moshe escorts Am Yisrael to greet God (Shmot 19:17)

Moshe brought the people out from the camp towards God and they stood at the bottom of the mountain.

At this point, the mountain was above their heads, literally like a chupah.

In the words of the Gemara in Shabbat: The Torah states: Vayityatzev betachtit hahar

Amar Rav Avdimi bar Chama bar Chasa:

God covered them with the mountain as though it were an upturned vat.

At this wedding, instead of a ring being given, God gave the Jewish people the Torah. The Torah is actually like a ring, it is endless. As soon as we finish reading it, we begin again. The Torah is the endless bond between God and the Jewish people.

Even the Ketubah has a parallel in the Torah, the Sefer HaBrit. (Shmot 24:7)

Moshe took the book of the covenant and read it in the ears of the people.

According to Chizkuni, the Sefer HaBrit was the list from Sefer Vayikra of God's obligations to the Jewish people and the Jewish people's obligations to God.

The people responded:

All that you have spoken, we will do and we will listen.

The Jewish people expressed their commitment to God, the Torah and the mitzvoth.

Every Jewish wedding, Ashkenazi or Sephardi, small or large, lavish or simple has something in common---and that is- it's similarity to maamad har Sinai.

As the Jewish people committed themselves to God at Sinai, so too do bride and groom commit themselves to each other under the chupah.

One more thought. After the first luchot were broken, Moshe ascended Mt. Sinai for another 40 days and nights. Then God gave the second set of luchot.

The way that the luchot were given the second time was different than the first. There were no kolot u'vrakim, there was no thunder and lightning. Although this revelation was far simpler, it was more lasting---the second luchot, unlike the first, were never broken.

This sends us a message that a wedding should have a certain amount of humility. Humility in the way that the wedding and celebration are conducted and humility in the way that the bride and groom commit themselves to each other.

To remind us of the importance of weddings being humble, there was an ancient custom where a table at the wedding was set up for the poor to come and eat. This parallels the broken pieces of the first luchot which received a permanent place in the ark.

This perhaps teaches us that even on one of the happiest days of our lives, we should not forget those who are less fortunate. The broken ones should also be included.

The breaking of the glass under the chupah evokes Moshe's breaking of the tablets under the mountain and our responsibility to those whose lives have been broken.

I will never forget when on the morning of her elegant wedding, a bride called me to find out how she could donate the flowers from her wedding to a nursing home. I was so moved by the fact that amidst her last minute preparations, instead of just worrying about her hair, make-up and dress, she was concerned about brightening up the day of people she didn't even know. She understood the message of the broken glass.

This morning, when we heard the Aseret HaDibrot, we were in fact simulating the moment of Sinai. When we witness a wedding ceremony, that Sinaitic moment is re-enacted again.

The challenge for bide and groom, the challenge for all of us, is how to bring the revelation at Sinai into every day of our lives.