Shabbat Forshpeis
A Taste of Torah in Honor of Shabbat
PARSHAT YITRO
THE PARENTAL RELATIONSHIP
GOES ALMOST BEYOND THE HUMAN REALM
JANUARY 24-25, 2003/ 22 SHEVAT 5763
The Ten Declarations (Aseret Ha-Dibrot)
are inscribed on two tablets. The first contains laws which govern our interaction with God. The second deals with interpersonal relationships. Why then is the commandment "honor your father and your mother" (Exodus 20:12) found on the tablet which deals with our connection to God?
Ramban notes that the child-parent relationship is unique in that one can have only one biological mother and father. Hence, the mitzvah of honoring parents intersects with the mitzvah of honoring God. As there is only one God, so too one can have only one set of parents. No wonder then that details of how to respect parents are absent, for in order to understand how to honor parents one need only look at how she or he honors God.
Samson Raphael Hirsch offers a different suggestion. "Through father and mother God gives the child not only physical existence..." but also the knowledge of "the Jewish mission," i.e. the spiritual message of Judaism. So, after recording the statements which deal with God, the Torah states "honor parents," as they are in the best position to teach their children about God and His revelation. This idea speaks eloquently to the importance not only of biological parents but adoptive and stepparents as well. It is not the biological connection, it is the connection as teacher par excellence that defines the true nature of parenthood.
Another thought comes to mind. As God is eternal, so too do human beings strive to "live" beyond their own lives. One primary way that we strive to do this is through childrearing. In this way, parents strive to attain even a little taste of God's infinite nature.
Therefore, for all of the above reasons, there is no doubt that the relationship of parent and child is unique. It then makes sense that when losing a parent, the laws of mourning are more intense than after the loss of other relatives. For example, while the mourning period for a parent is one year, when losing a spouse, sibling or child, the mourning period is thirty days.
This is so because mourning is not only reflective of intensity of loss, but is also an expression of gratitude. Gratitude to parents without whom children could not be born and gratitude to parents for being the ones who have been the life-long teachers of spiritual values.
Additionally, during this more intensive period, children are confronted with the challenge of ensuring that parents attain a slice of immortality. Children are the best reflections of the legacy of their mother and father. They must take the opportunity of the extended mourning period to sort through the ups and downs that every child has with his or her parents and do the best to keep their parents spiritually alive.
Thus, the mitzvah of honoring parents was not randomly placed on the side of the tablets that deals with God. It is a relationship that in many ways is beyond the human realm for, in its very biological and spiritual nature, it so closely reflects the Divine.
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Avi Weiss
|
|
|
