Shabbat Forshpeis
A Taste of Torah in Honor of Shabbat
PARSHAT KI TETZE
HOW THE REBELLIOUS CHILD TEACHES US
ABOUT CHILD REARING
SEPTEMBER 5-6, 2003 / 8 ELUL 5763
This week's portion speaks
of the bein sorer u'moreh, the stubborn and rebellious son, who is put to death. (Deuteronomy 21:18-21) The Talmud explains that the child is killed because of the expectation that, in his adult years, he will be evil. In the Talmud's words: "A stubborn and rebellious son is tried on account of his ultimate destiny; let him die innocent and let him not die guilty." (Sanhedrin 71b)
Is it possible that Jewish law would put to death a child who has not committed a capital crime?
The Mishnah builds into the law many limitations rendering it virtually impossible for a child to be declared stubborn and rebellious. These laws include the following requirements: First of all, both parents must be willing to accuse their child of being stubborn and rebellious. Second, mother and father must be well suited for each other. Third, if either parent has a handicap, such as being blind or deaf-the child cannot be labeled stubborn and rebellious. (Sanhedrin 71a)
Dr. Samuel Belkin gleans from the Mishnah the following principle. "A son can be condemned as stubborn and rebellious only if the entire blame can be thrown upon him and only if the parents, in no way, either directly or indirectly, cause their son's behavior."
The Mishnah's requirements now become clear. Parents must be in agreement with each other in declaring the child to be stubborn and rebellious. If they disagree it would reveal different approaches to raising the child, which may have led to his misbehavior.
Moreover, the father and mother must be compatible for it may be that it was the unsuccessful marriage that contributed to the child's rebelliousness.
Finally, the law which states a child cannot be stubborn and rebellious if either parent has a physical defect may also be taken further and apply to a metaphysical condition. Indeed, some may be physically blind or deaf, but can see and hear their child perfectly. But, if either parent does not see their child's needs, nor hear their words, and, in that sense are blind or deaf-the child cannot be condemned. In all of these cases parents share the blame.
Thus, the Talmud states there will never be a stubborn and rebellious child. This is because parents, to some degree, contribute to a child's conduct. Yet, the Talmud concludes, "Study it (the laws of bein sorer u'moreh) and receive a reward." (Sanhedrin 71a) There is a crucial need to study these laws because they emphasize to parents, or any person involved in raising children, the seriousness and responsibility that accompanies this most holy task.
Appropriately, this portion is read as we near Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, the days of teshuvah repentance. But teshuvah can also mean return-and, for our study this week, it highlights the critical importance of the return of parents to children and children to parents.
If only!
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Avi Weiss
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